Nobody enjoys a breakup. It’s human nature to undergo a mourning period when a relationship ends, and question what went wrong.
If you have a string of broken relationships behind you and you’re starting to wonder if you’re cursed, consider a more scientific approach. Your Myers-Briggs profile, for example, could provide insight into why you haven’t yet had your Happy Ever After.
Let’s take a look at each Myers-Briggs profile in turn, and assess common mistakes of each personality type. Armed with this information, you can change your dating destiny and ensure that your next union is built to last.
This personality type lives to help others. This is obviously a great and wholesome quality – but it can be seriously detrimental to your dating life. If you are drawn to ‘broken souls’ that need fixing, ask yourself what you’re getting out of the relationship? Are your own emotional needs being met?
Perhaps more importantly, ask yourself – do your partners want to be ‘fixed’? Humans are complex by nature. What you consider to be chaotic and unsavory, your partners may find comforting and familiar. Trying to change the person closest to you will always end in resentment – from you it the attempts are not successful, and from your partner if they are.
The Champion is a devoted and loving partner. Unfortunately, they also tend to struggle with the nagging doubt that there could be something even better out there. It’s hard for this personality type to ever truly settle. What if you agree to commit to somebody, only to find that your true soulmate is still out there waiting to be discovered?
This doesn’t mean that The Champion is prone to being unfaithful. Arguably even worse, however, is the nagging doubt that something better is out there. This can hang over an ENFP’s relationship like the Sword of Damocles. It’s an itch that The Champion cannot scratch, and it slowly drives them crazy. This personality type really needs to focus on what is important to them, and stop fantasizing about what else may be available.
The Commander has a very clear plan for how they want their life to look. This encompasses their relationship and personal life, of course, but it also involves career plans. The biggest issue with an ENTJ is that, no matter how strongly they feel for a partner, they cannot bring themselves to compromise their core desires for them.
If The Commander has a dream job, they’ll accept it – regardless of the impact on their personal relationships. If The Commander wants children, they will never be happy with a partner that doesn’t long for a family. If The Commander wants to live abroad but their partner has roots in their home country, the relationship is doomed to fail.
In many respects, a famous rock song can sum up the ENTJ approach to relationships. They’ll do anything for love – but they won’t do that.
An ENTP is like a walking, talking Vision Board. This personality type dreams big, and is prepared to work tirelessly to ensure these fantasies become a reality. That’s great if a partner is along for the ride – but The Visionary needs to be careful. If they don’t stop to smell the roses every once in a while, they could leave a potential partner choking on their dust.
If you fall under the ENTP personality type, bring your partner into the visualization process. Let them share their own thoughts, hopes and dreams. You may well find that they tally up with yours. In such a case, you can work together – after all, two heads are better than one.
Very few personality types are quite as in touch with their emotions as The Provider. This personality type knows exactly what brings them joy, and what will only bring pain and sadness. This means that, when an ESFJ meets somebody they feel will fulfill their emotional needs, they’ll never be shy about showing it.
This can be intimidating for a more reserved partner. You may be comfortable wearing your heart on your sleeve, but not everybody is. It’s never your intention, but you are subtly placing your partner under a great deal of pressure. They may feel that you’re mentally planning the wedding, while they’re still deciding on whether they want a third date.
The ESFP personality type isn’t afraid of their feelings. The Performer falls in love hard and fast, and is likely to offer a range of promises and commitments far sooner than many other personality types. Unfortunately, this can create a combustible relationship dynamic. When the heart writes checks that the head can’t cash, feelings end up getting hurt.
If you’re an ESFP, you will no doubt have promised yourself that you’ve learned your lesson. You will swear that you’ll take it slow in your next relationship. You’ll put measures and boundaries in place that prevent your feelings from running away from you. But then you meet somebody that blows your mind, and all of that goes out of the window.
You need to stop and take a breath every now and again. As painful as it may be to admit to yourself, love isn’t always enough. You need to consider the practicalities of a relationship as well as the feelings it inspires. Some obstacles are insurmountable, no matter how hard you try to move mountains for love.
The Supervisor is among the most risk-averse personality profiles. Anybody that falls under the ESTJ banner will likely take an, “if it isn’t broken, don’t fix it” approach to relationships. On the one hand, that’s sensible. For many people, though, refusing to change or compromise equals stagnation.
In addition, The Supervisor can sometimes have a selfish streak. You may be prone to think about all the commitments and investments that you have made into a relationship, and disregarding those of your partner. This can understandably lead to resentment – and, eventually, a standoff. If you are not prepared to bend on your own beliefs, any union is doomed to fail.
An ESTP is always seeking a new and exciting experience. This means that The Doer can often walk away from a good thing, purely because there’s a new opportunity on the horizon. ESTPs are the magpies of the dating world, always distracted by the next shiny object.
If this applies to you, you’ll probably know this. In fact, if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit that you have regrets about some of your past relationships. Stability frightens you, as you equate it with stagnation. Sometimes, you just need to allow yourself to be happy and accept when you’re content.
Other people fascinate an INFJ. When somebody of this personality type enters a relationship, they want to know everything about their partner. Every quirk, every foible, every childhood memory, every hope and fear.
Unfortunately, The Counselor isn’t always willing to return the favor. If you’re an INFJ, you likely struggle with your self-esteem. This means that you are prone to closing yourself off, and revealing as little about yourself as possible. You’re terrified that you’ll be found wanting, and deemed unworthy of love.
This can make dating you akin to a conversation through a closed door. If your partner is to trust you, they need to feel that vulnerability is a shared emotion. Expecting somebody else to open up, while building walls around yourself, will never end well.
An INFP firmly believes that love conquers all. The Idealist is convinced that, if they feel strongly enough, there is no mountain too high to conquer, and no ocean to vast swim. Naturally, this isn’t the case. Some people are just too different to find common ground. They can enjoy a great friendship, but a terrible partnership.
If you fall under The Idealist banner, you likely refuse to accept this. You cling onto relationships that have long run their course – and may even have become toxic. Putting more and more effort into a union doesn’t make it likelier to work out in the long term. It just leaves you ripe for exploitation.
You need to start looking at the bigger picture. Love is great – but it’s not everything. You need to channel as much effort into compatibility.
The Mastermind is a tough personality type to understand. This is, for the most part, the INTJ doesn’t even understand themselves. While The Mastermind is subject to the same feelings and emotions as everybody else, it takes longer to run them through a logic filter.
This naturally means that you may find yourself at odds with a more emotional individual. You don’t like to verbalize your feelings until you can do so clearly and succinctly. This is can be frustrating, and confused with being robotic.
In addition, you may grow frustrated with others. Acting on impulse, and verbalizing every thought and emotion that enters your heart and mind, is anathema to you.
The INTP, as the name suggests, is a deep thinker. Unfortunately, these thought processes are more based on logic than emotion. This can be highly frustrating for the partner of an INTP. This personality type does not understand subtle or non-verbal cues, and needs wishes and desires spelled out for them.
If you have a partner with the patience to do this, you’ll likely enjoy a successful life partnership. Even somebody with the patience of a saint will soon grow weary of this lack of emotional insight, though. Nobody wants to spoon feed their partner with their every wish, whim and thought.
The Thinker really needs to start channeling that substantial brain into understanding the human condition. If you can add emotional intelligence to your passion for problem solving, you’ll be a hugely appealing prospect.
The Nurturer will always put the wishes and whims of their partner above their own. On paper, this is an admirable quality. A lack of selfishness can go too far, though. The ISFJ often fails to verbalize their desires, and ends up being treated as a doormat.
Compromise is important in a relationship, but if you’re the only person making concessions, you’ll become increasingly miserable. This is a dangerous game to play, as you can only hold in your emotion for so long.
By going with everything your partner wants, feeling misplaced guilt at having wishes of your own, you may eventually explode. You need to step up and express your own aspirations from time to time, and ensure that your wishes are being taken seriously.
Anybody that has ever been in relationship with an ISFP will say the same thing; “oh, we never argue.” That is not necessarily a good thing, though. The Composer doesn’t argue because this personality type is borderline phobic of any form of conflict.
If you fall under this personality type, you need to hone your fight or flight instincts. Nobody is saying that regular stand-up, drag-out arguments are a good thing. However, there is nothing wrong with standing your ground from a reasonable position.
If you leave a relationship when the first sign of cracks appear, you’ll never grow as a partner. Remember, healthy disagreement helps us grow as people.
ISTJs live their life according to a very strict moral code. Principles and ethics are pivotal to The Inspector, and they hold everybody else to the same standards as themselves. While that’s admirable, it can also create unrealistic expectations.
The Inspector will forge a connection based on shared beliefs and values, so if you fall under this personality type, you’ll likely fall in love hard and fast. The problem arises when your partner shows some degree of dissent with one of your strongly held beliefs.
This is akin to taking a chisel to a marble statue. At the first sight of a crack, your partner is no longer perfect. This leaves you struggling to view them in the same light.
Try to remember that human beings are complicated. We cannot be summarized by a list of bullet points, and views and opinions will change over time. Learning to roll with those changes, and accept differences in opinion, is pivotal to forging a successful life partnership.
The Craftsperson is arguably the most introverted personality type of all. This doesn’t mean that an ISTP is anti-social. This personality type does, however, value alone time and enjoy solo pursuits. This can be frustrating for a partner, that wants to share everything that life has to offer.
Compromise is key if you fall under the banner of The Craftsperson. You’re entitled to your own interests and your own desires, but you’ll also need to understand that relationships are a two-way street. Don’t back off and close yourself off the moment a partner shows signs of commitment or affection.
Independence is a great thing. Nobody wants a partner that clings to them at all hours, and tries to insert themselves into every aspect of their life. Equally, though, sharing your life with an ISTP can be lonely if there is no prospect of negotiation.